The Mistakes of Mr. Bennet
Anne Stott writes about Mr. Bennet at Normblog:
Jane Austen is a tough moralist. She believes that Mr Bennet should have made the best of a bad job. Unhappiness is no excuse for opting out of duties. He ought not to have been guilty of…
… that continual breach of conjugal obligation and decorum which, in exposing his wife to the contempt of her own children, was so highly reprehensible.
Taking refuge in irony, he has misused those ‘talents which rightly used, might at least have preserved the respectability of his daughters, even if incapable of enlarging the mind of his wife’. The girls’ laissez-faire education happens to suit Elizabeth and Jane, who are able to motivate themselves to study, but is disastrous for their three younger sisters. Poor pedantic Mary might have been guided into learning to think for herself rather than spout the stale truisms of the conduct books. Kitty and Lydia – ‘ignorant, idle and vain’ – badly needed the discipline of being made to learn something to fill their empty heads. Their father sees this with his usual clarity but does nothing about it. He has written off his three youngest daughters.
We are normally a bit impatient with critics of Mr. Bennet, but though we still love him as a character, we think Professor Stott gets it right here. Do check it out.
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While I loved Mr. Bennet as a young reader (for his wit reminded me of my father’s), I became impatient with his detached brand of parenting. Knowing that Mrs. Bennet would fail to instill common sense in her youngest girls, he should have been more involved. Great article, Mags. Thanks for pointing it out.
Well actually, how much studying has Jane done? The list of her acomplicements are very short indeed. We know that she and Bingley have similar taste in card cames, but otherwise?
Agreed! While a funny character Mr. Bennet was both an awful husband and an awful father.
I defend Mr. Bennet because, despite his mistakes and indolence, he really does have at least Elizabeth’s and Jane’s best interests at heart. He wouldn’t let either one of them marry Collins. He might have let Mary marry him, because it wouldn’t have bothered her so much. I also object to the characterization by some critics of Mrs. Bennet as a “hero” as she makes sure the girls get married off when that is their only option for a comfortable life. I don’t necessarily agree; will Lydia’s marriage be of much use to her, other than saving her reputation? Mrs. Bennet only wants to get her daughters married off so that she can boast about it to Mrs. Long and Lady Lucas. She’s not really concerned with the girls’ happiness by trying to make compatible matches for them.
Contrast, for example, Mr. and Mrs. Bennet’s opinions about Elizabeth marrying Collins. I think we can all degree that such a marriage would have been a disaster; yet Mrs. Bennet freaks out when Elizabeth, wisely, refuses his offer, and Mr. Bennet pretty much comes out and says he won’t allow it anyway.
Also contrast their reactions to Elizabeth’s engagement to Darcy–a match we can all agree is an excellent one both in relation to the parties’ temperaments and affections as well as Mr. Darcy’s fortune. Mr. Bennet knows it is an excellent match for Elizabeth, and not knowing that she has fallen in love with Darcy, tries to talk her out of it anyway. He doesn’t think she will be happy. Once she convinces him that she DOES love Darcy, he gives in. Whereas Mrs. Bennet, who spent the whole book trying to marry Jane off to Bingley, hears the news and says in the next breath, “Jane’s (match) is nothing to it!” Never mind that Jane and Bingley are in love and perfectly suited for one another! She goes from hating Darcy to being thrilled about the match in a second. And she doesn’t know that Elizabeth loves him any more than Mr. Bennet did. She just knows that he has ten thousand a year and she’ll be able to boast about it to her neighbors.
That said, neither one of them is completely evil or completely good. They’re both an interesting mix–and that’s why we love discussing it so much!
I would add economic concerns as one of the driving forces for Mrs Bennet. We have to keep in mind, that until the marriage of Jane (and of Elizabeth) the Bennet family’s economic future in case of Mr. Bennet’s untimely death is still in the air.
Mrs Bennet may not be concerned with the girl’s happiness but she surely is concerned with their economic status which includes her own(!). The threat of Mr. Collins turning them out of Longbourn is omnipresent and Mrs Bennet will certainly do everything in her power to avoid the humiliation of being turned out of her estate. Think of it. Were that to happen, she would never again be able to face Mrs. Long or Lady Lucas.
Sorry, Mags. I disagree. If Mr. Bennett truly had Jane and Elizabeth’s best interests at heart, he would have curbed his wife’s spending in order to put something aside in case of his death (as Mr. Dashwood would have done had he lived.)
“Mr Bennett had very often wished, before this period of his life, that, instead of spending his whole income, he had laid by an annual sum for the better provision of his children, and of his wife, if she survived him. He now wished it more than ever….
When first Mr. Bennet had married, economy was held to be perfectly useless; for, of course, they were to have a son. This son was to join in cutting off the entail, as soon as he should be of age, and the widow and younger children would by that means be provided for. Five daughters successively entered the world, but yet the son was to come; and Mrs. Bennet, for many years after Lydia’s birth, had been certain that he would. This event had at last been despaired of, but it was then too late to be saving. Mrs. Bennet had no turn for economy, and her husband’s love of independence had alone prevented their exceeding their income.”
He’s perfectly capable of cutting Mrs Bennett off if it will inconvenience him, but to stir himself and make an effort on behalf of his daughters is too much trouble.
Well, yes, Mrs. Bennet’s concerns are economic, but definitely for her own benefit. She’s a selfish beast and she cannot possibly truly care about Elizabeth if she expected her to marry Mr. Collins!
Lynn, I’m not saying Mr. Bennet is father of the year, but I think he gets a worse rap than he deserves at times. And I do think the reactions of each parent to Elizabeth’s two proposals (well, the first and the third!) speak volumes. Also the fact that Mr. B. values Jane and Elizabeth over the other girls, and we all know who was Mrs. B.’s favorite…though of course if Mr. B. had stirred himself, they might have turned out better. Though I think Lydia was doomed by being Mrs. B.’s favorite.
Well, I’m tougher on Mr. Bennet because he’s both more intelligent and more powerful than his wife. She uses what little brain and power she possesses to help the situation that her husband completely ignores. She shouldn’t be doing that, it’s his job. Yes, Mrs. Bennet is as concerned about her own fate as about that of her daughters, but it’s her husband who should secure her future. Would we really not care if Darcy didn’t mind that Elizabeth would be thrown out of Pemberley after his death? He had all of the comforts and luxury while alive, why whatever happens later should not be his trouble?
I also can’t agree that Mr. Bennet behaved well in reference to Collins’s proposal. If he but moved his finger this proposal would never happen. Mary was willing to marry Collins, and Bennet could easily steer the man that way, securing both Mary and his family’s future. Instead he sits back and enjoys the show. He knows what his wife’s up to, he knows that Lizzy will refuse and it’ll all end up in a disaster, yet he’s having too much fun to interfere. I’m afraid that people should live not only to make sport at the expense of others.
If he had Jane and Lizzy’s happiness in mind he’d move his arse to the Meryton Assembly. He’d make sure that his daughters were properly introduced to Bingley and Darcy. It was the minimum to do. Was he expecting a miracle? He married a girl with Ł4,000. Who’d marry his daughters with Ł1,000 each if even he himself did better than that?
Mr. Bennet shouldn’t be judged by what he did, only by what he didn’t do. And his wife’s meddling is more his fault than her own, even though she’s totally embarrassing and makes me cringe every time I spot her on a page.
I’m not too pro-Mr. Bennet either. In fact, no condemnation of Mr . B is too strong as far as I’m concerned. Sure he values Jane and Lizzie, but seems to do so at the expense of his other three daughters. I do not see this as something commendable in him; he is a parent of five, not of two.
It seems that Mr. Bennet’s head was turned by a pretty face in his youth and he has spent the remainder of his life rueing the matter and through sheer indolence insuring that the entire family suffers as a result. But having made his bed, his responsibility is to lie in it (and he seems to have willingly enough at least 5 times.) Regardless of Mrs.B’s vulgarity and vapidity, I agree that he has a responsibility as father and husband to show respect for his wife– certainly in front of his daughters– and probably more importantly, in front of the rest of the world. Yet he seems to revel in disparaging her (and several of his daughters) every chance he gets, not only setting a horrible example in his own household, but affecting how others perceive the Bennet family as well. He certainly does his daughters no favors, not even the two that he likes. You have to wonder whether with a little effort on his part he could have exerted a good influence on his own wife and tempered her excesses, or at least protected his daughters from them. I also find very distasteful the way he pretty happily passes the buck to his brother-in-law when it comes to taking care of the Lydia “situation.” I think he is an incredibly lousy husband and father.
Mrs. B absolutely wins no motherhood awards in my book either; yet if I had 5 unmarried daughters and I was a heartbeat away from losing the roof over our head, I might have been tempted to jump at the first Mr. Collins that came by. I don’t think she can be singled out for not caring about her daughters’ happiness, given Mr. Bennet’s own, for the most part, blatant indifference to their happiness and future welfare.
I too love him as a character, but I sure would dislike him if he were a real person!
I’m afraid I’m going to have to side with Mags on this one, though not for all of her reasons. It’s easy to downplay how uncomfortable life with a stupid woman would be.
Just consider- when Mr. Bennet went to London, Mrs. Bennet whined because she was afraid Mr. Bennet would duel with Wickham and get killed. When he yielded to the request of Mr. Gardiner, who persuaded him to go back to his family, she whined because he was coming back without dueling Wickham! She wanted him to be at Longbourn, and she wanted him to be in London! It was not a matter of lack of education on her part. Any adult smarter than a rock knows that you can’t be in two places at the same time. It would take only a couple of similar observations early in their marriage to completely discourage him from attempting to educate her or improve her mind. Jane Austen herself said so: he had “talents which rightly used, might at least have preserved the respectability of his daughters, even if incapable of enlarging the mind of his wife.” It would be hard for an intelligent man to love a woman who was as dumb as a rock. (That’s why P&P 2005′s depiction of their relationship was just so… dumb.)
There was no excuse for some of his ways, but I think it’s unfair to criticize him in some respects. He came back from London after Mr. Gardiner, who was heeding the wishes of his sister, persuaded him to come home; and he didn’t come with the demeanor of a man anxious to evade his responsibility at that point.
I think you should be just as tough on Mrs. Bennet as on Mr. Bennet. Stupidity is no excuse, nor is lack of power. Elizabeth had even less “power” than her mother, and she did just fine.
I don’t get why it’s just a given that Mrs. Bennet can be excused for being dumb as a rock and that Mr. Bennet is a failure because he doesn’t control his wife.
I totally agree with Mags that he handled the Collins situation well. He was under no obligation to steer Collins anywhere.
For all his faults, Mr. Bennet has the superior motivation; perhaps that’s why many like him in spite of his obvious flaws:
First recorded words after Jane is engaged:
Mrs. Bennet:”"Exceed their income! My dear Mr. Bennet,what are you talking of? Why, he has four or five thousand a year, and very likely more.” Then addressing her daughter, “Oh! my dear, dear Jane, I am so happy!” (Note- I am happy!)
Mr. Bennet:”"Jane, I congratulate you. You will be a very happy woman.”
Reaction to Elizabeth’s engagement:
Mrs, Bennet:”"Good gracious! Lord bless me! only think! dear me! Mr. Darcy! Who would have thought it! And is it really true? Oh! my sweetest Lizzy! how rich and how great you will be! What pin-money, what jewels, what carriages you will have!”
Mr. Bennet:” He is rich, to be sure, and you may have more fine clothes and fine carriages than Jane. But will they make you happy?…. We all know him to be a proud, unpleasant sort of man; but this would be nothing if you really liked him…I know that you could be neither happy nor respectable, unless you truly esteemed your husband; unless you looked up to him as a superior. Your lively talents would place you in the greatest danger in an unequal marriage. You could scarcely escape discredit and misery. My child, let me not have the grief of seeing you unable to respect your partner in life……
Who really cares about their children more?
For all his disinterest in his daughters’ matrimonial prospects, a part of it may have stemmed from a belief that he did not want to facilitate a union that could make them as unhappy as he was.
This is an interesting thread to comment in, because I am the father of a 14-year-old daughter who is catnip to boys. Most of the people who comment here are women. Thus I would ask: based on your own experiences with your own fathers, and the experiences you observed of sisters and of your friends, do you really think Mr. Bennet could have made much of a difference in how his girls behaved?
I agree that he ought to have ensured a better education for them, although perhaps it was wiser to save the money.
As regards getting them married, it was clear that Mrs. Bennet was doing a very intensive job of it, so what more could he have added?
It is a little odd that none of the girls had local suitors — was the neighborhood so bereft of young men? I have attributed their absence to a decision by Austen not to clutter-up the story with such minor characters.
A good point–I’ve always said, if Bingley and Darcy hadn’t come along, Jane and Lizzy would most likely have found a nice militia officer with a small fortune, or one of uncle Phillips’ clerks as Mary did. They were the beauties of their neighborhoods and not exactly at their last hopes. Thus, Mrs. Bennet’s behavior was that much sillier.
do you really think Mr. Bennet could have made much of a difference in how his girls behaved?
Yes! My father certainly did, and as a parent my own 14 year old catnip (that was a great turn of phrase btw!) I know both her parents have a great deal of influence on how she is educated and how and with whom she spends her time.
And as pointed out above, Jane Austen herself said he could have played a stronger role in his daughters’ lives: Mr. Bennet had “talents which rightly used, might at least have preserved the respectability of his daughters”–but he chose not to exert himself unduly.
It’s pretty pathetic that Lizzie can see so clearly the dangers for Lydia when Mr. Bennet’s indolence only makes him happy to have the troublesome girl taken out of his sight by the Fosters:
“Lydia will never be easy till she has exposed herself in some public place or other, and we can never expect her to do it with so little expense or inconvenience to her family as under the present circumstances.”
And his reactions to the proposed solution to the elopement debacle just underscore his weakness as a father:
“That it would be done with such trifling exertion on his side, too, was another very welcome surprise; for his chief wish at present was to have as little trouble in the business as possible. When the first transports of rage which had produced his activity in seeking her were over, he naturally returned to all his former indolence.”
It is lovely that he takes such care trying to make out Lizzie’s true feelings for Darcy, but I’ve always had the impression that with the possible exception of Jane, he would not have done the same for the other girls. And singling out one or two daughters to receive his love and parental concern and dismissing the rest as “silly” does not elevate him in my view.
Sure Jane and Lizzie might have found some nice militia officers. But the fact is, they hadn’t yet. And with Lizzie going on one-and-twenty and Jane older, and neither with any fortune to speak of, they were reaching dangerous times on the marriage market even with their beauty. Mrs. Bennet is rude and vulgar and terribly annoying, but her concerns are valid nevertheless.
I am not making any claims for the enoblement of Mrs. Bennet, I only say that she is no worse a parent than Mr. Bennet. She is who she is–I cannot believe that she was dramatically different when Mr. Bennet willingly married her. In this Mr. Bennet and Lydia have quite a lot in common, both their heads were turned by physical beauty, and they both spend the rest of their days paying for it.
I wonder how Mrs. Bennet would have reacted if it was Lydia whom Mr. Collins chose.
There are obviously other young men in the neighborhood, because there are young men – though not enough – to dance with at the assembly.
Or how Mr. Bennet would have reacted if it was Lydia to marry a rich man she didn’t love.
Thanks, Maria L., for the thoughtful response — especially “singling out one or two daughters to receive his love and parental concern and dismissing the rest as “silly” does not elevate him in my view.”
Quite so — now that you mention it, it is notable that no one ever thinks about whether Lydia will be happy with Wickham, or indeed thinks about her happiness at all. And if anyone had given any thought to Mary they’d likely have seen that Collins would have been good for her, and urged him to choose her rather than Elizabeth. But then if characters were good, there’d be no story to tell.
As regards Kitty, I’ve always found it hard to keep her separate from Lydia, psychologically — just too similar.
it is notable that no one ever thinks about whether Lydia will be happy with Wickham, or indeed thinks about her happiness at all.
By that time it was too late to think of Lydia’s happiness, unfortunately. She had made her choice by running away with Wickham. She had to marry him or be ruined.
As to Maria’s question, I think Mrs. Bennet would have been delighted if Lydia had married Mr. Collins and talked a great deal about how dutiful and loving a daughter Mrs. Collins was, unlike that ingrate Lizzy.
(And I think we can all agree that Mr. Collins and Lydia would be an even more unsuitable match that Elizabeth and Mr. Collins–at least Elizabeth had sense. Lydia would have been a disaster, unless she learned to suck up to Lady Catherine right quick.)
Ah, but you are making the assumption that Lydia would have been dutiful and accepted his proposal.
I’m not sure Lydia would have accepted him. He was no fun at all. He didn’t have a red coat. Spoiled brats are not always dutiful.
I didn’t ask the question, but thanks for the answer! Anyhow, I agree that no way, no how would Lydia have married Collins. I do not think duty is in her vocabulary and she’s not one to close her eyes and think of England…Honestly, I think that lass would choose ruination over the dubious pleasures of being Mrs. Collins.
It’s been interesting to give some extra thought to Mr. Bennet. Over the years, I’ve always appreciated the wit and the comic elements of his character, but this discussion encouraged me to take a closer look at him as a parent. And it surprised me a bit just how lacking I do find him. I guess age and living with catnip can do that to you!
Actually, I asked the question, but it is of no consequence to me that my name be confused with another’s if the question generates a response.
Oops. Apologies to Maria and S. I should have read up…I knew somebody asked it and had meant to reply.
I just read on ‘Jane Austen in Vermont” that Colleen McCullough has written “The Independence of Miss Mary Bennet” to be published later this year by Simon & Schuster.
More info here: http://janeausteninvermont.wordpress.com/2008/09/17/another-austen-sequel/
Apologies if you’ve already mentioned it on here. I did a quick search and didn’t see anything recent.
I find Mr. Bennet such a fascinating character that I used a phrase of Austen’s about him as the title of my book, ‘So Odd A Mixture’ (2007).
Right at the start of the ‘Pride and Prejudice’, Mrs. Bennet urges him to “Consider your daughters” but that is exactly what he has never done up to that point. Instead he has lead an extraordinarily self-centered life as a man who throughout his parenting years thus far has thought mainly of his own comfort and interests. When he does pay any attention to his family, it is for his own amusement and to reinforce his sense of intellectual superiority over them. Repeatedly throughout the novel he shows that he is rarely able to see a situation from anyone else’s point of view.
In order to secure his daughters well-being in adulthood Mr. Bennet could have used some combination of the following three strategies:
1) setting aside some of his income each year to provide them with an inheritance so that they could be independent
2) educating them either personally or by hiring governesses so that some of them in their turn would have been able to support themselves as governesses
3) providing them with opportunities to meet eligible young men by taking them to London for the ‘season’.
Due to a dislike of social situations and an inability to imagine or be concerned about his family’s welfare after his death, he has done none of these three things.
His lack of forethought for his daughters’ future physical well-being is extremely serious and neglectful, but his callousness towards most of them emotionally is equally damaging. He makes sweepingly critical and derogatory statements about his three teenaged daughters within their hearing.
He is similarly disparaging of his wife. Many feel that Mrs. Bennet’s lack of intellectual interests and frequent hysteria trigger her husband’s callousness towards her; a variation of the old theme of “she asked for it” which is no longer tolerated in cases of physical abuse so should justify emotional abuse either.
Would Mrs. Bennet experience such severe anxiety attacks if married to someone who actually did “consider her nerves” rather than taunt her with her future homelessness? Notice that, although still “invariably silly”, she was only “occasionally nervous” once her very real fear of an impoverished, vulnerable old age was removed by the marriages of her two eldest daughters to wealthy, honourable men who will not shirk their responsibilities.
Regarding marriage, in response to Edward’s comment #16, about Lydia’s future with Wickham, I speculate on the long-term path of their union and that of three other couples (the Bennets, Collinses and Darcys), in the “Happily Ever After?” chapter of my book.