The Adventures of Jane and Thorin, Part the Second

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Jane, Thorin and the Good Luck Troll Thorin: Miss Austen!

Jane: Yes, your majesty?

Thorin: Perhaps it has escaped your notice, madam, but you are at present under threat of a troll attack.

Troll: HELLO! I AM TROLL!

Jane: Oh…yes, I see.

Thorin: It would be my honour to defend you against this abominable creature, madam.

Jane: I hardly think that necessary, your majesty. He’s just a Good Luck Troll.

Troll: I BRING LUCK! GOOD GOOD LUCK!

Thorin: Back, foul beast! Touch one hair…er…one piece of plastic on this fair maiden and I will smite you!

Troll: WILL YOU BE MY FRIEND?

Jane: Oh, you are a poppet! *strokes his hair*

Thorin: Miss Austen, you are in imminent danger! I do request that you step back and let me send him back to the hell from which he sprung!

Jane: Someplace dark, and far underground, I suppose.

Thorin: Yes! ….wait a minute…

Jane: One should never judge by first impressions, your majesty.

Thorin. No, madam.

Jane: Now why don’t you put away your large Elven sword, and step back?

Thorin: Yes, madam. *mutters* damn damn damn damn…

Jane: I beg your pardon?

Thorin: Nothing, madam.

In which Jane Austen converses with the King under the Mountain

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jane_and_thorin

Thorin Oakenshield: Miss Austen?

Jane Austen: Yes, your majesty?

Thorin: You could just call me Thorin, you know, and I’ll call you Jane.

Jane: You shall call me Miss Austen, your majesty.

Thorin: *mutters* deep cleansing breath…be cool, Oakenshield, be cool…

Jane: I beg your pardon?

Thorin: Nothing, madam. Only that I thought, since we shall be sharing such close quarters…

Jane: Yes?

Thorin: Well….

Jane: Yes?

Thorin: Would you perhaps like to see my large Elven sword?

Jane: Would you perhaps like to have my quill pen inserted into your ear with extreme prejudice?

Thorin: *snicker* Do you mean with extreme PRIDE and prejudice? *snort*

Jane: *sighs loudly*

Thorin: *mutters* damn damn damn damn…

Jane: I beg your pardon?

Thorin: Nothing, madam.

Jane: Mmm.