Amanda Grange explains it all for us


Ha ha! Alert Janeite Marinell sent us a rather hilarious link to an entry in All About Romance’s Purple Prose contest by Amanda Grange (the author of Darcy’s Diary) in which Jane Austen pitches Pride and Prejudice to a modern romance novel publisher.

‘Yes, yes, at the end of the book,’ he said impatiently,’ but we haven’t got there yet. So tell me, Miss Austen, how do they meet?’

‘They meet at a ball. He —’

‘ — drags her into the window embrasure, draws the curtains round them, then whilst the music plays and duchesses dance a few inches away, he ravishes her. She’s driven to ecstasy, a loud chord from the orchestra masks their cries, she straightens her dress, he reties his cravat, and they join the other dancers, waltzing together as though nothing has happened. I love it.’

‘ — says she’s not very beautiful,’ finished Miss Austen weakly. He looked startled. Then excited.

‘Yes, I see what you mean. They meet, he says she’s no beauty, she’s annoyed – a woman scorned. SHE drags HIM into the window embrasure and SHE teaches HIM the meaning of hot, naked lust. Go on!’ he said.

‘Well, her little sister teases his friend to give a ball —’

‘Ah! A minx! Long legs, pert breasts. She teases the friend beyond endurance, he takes her —’

‘No, no, no! He falls in love with her sister. Her other sister. Jane.’

He rubbed his hands together. ‘What, there are THREE of them?’

‘Five, actually.’

‘FIVE sisters. This is HOT. You’re going places, Austen. I can see the sequels already.

Suddenly several sequels and three film adaptations make a lot more sense to us. (And so much for all those chick-lit authors who claim that Jane’s books are Just Like Theirs!)