Does anyone have a spare spork they could lend us?

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Dorothy foolishly has not stocked the pantry at AustenBlog World Headquarters and we are, unfortunately, fresh out. And Jane knows we need one right now. Not for our eyes this time, but to perform a frontal lobotomy upon ourself so that we might forget the horror that is this interview with Anne Hathaway in Marie Claire. (Thanks to Karim for posting it in comments.)

After much nauseating gushing over her boyfriend, she drops this tidbit:

‘The one time I ever showed up for work hung-over, I did it because there’s a scene in Becoming Jane [the soon-to-be-released Jane Austen biopic in which Hathaway stars] where Jane is stricken with cancer, and the director thought that, even with make-up, I still looked too young and fresh,’ she laughs. ‘But imagine if I was showing up like that to the set of Princess Diaries 2!’

While there is no way to definitively determine of which disease Jane Austen died, based on her letters from the period of her illness and the reminiscences of relatives, a 20th century physician diagnosed Addison’s disease, which affects the adrenal glands and often is secondary to tuberculosis. Some Austen biographers, most notably Claire Tomalin (whose biography of Austen was apparently consulted for this production) and Carol Shields, claim that various kinds of cancer, in Tomalin’s book lymphoma and in Shields’ book breast cancer, were more likely. However, careful study of Jane Austen’s letters and the symptoms of Addison’s disease, not to mention that the diagnosis has been confirmed as best it can be by actual medical practitioners, bring us to the conclusion that the Addison’s disease diagnosis was pretty much spot-on. The confirming fact, for us, is that the symptoms become more intense in times of stress; and it is documented that Jane suffered setbacks in her health shortly after receiving two pieces of shocking news: The failure of her uncle Leigh Perrot to leave the Austen ladies anything in his will, after making promises to do so, and the failure of her brother Henry’s bank. It will be interesting (in the context of the so-called ancient Chinese curse: May you live in interesting times) to see how they handle a “death scene” in this film. And if there is any intimation of death-bed regrets of Tom Lefroy, the screen will be decorated with the Editrix’s Extra Large Diet Coke.

Moving along to a bit more from the article about BECOMING JANE, which we include in spite of our better judgment.

Hathaway also raves about her Becoming Jane leading man, James McAvoy, and says she knew they were soulmates when he leaned in for their first screen kiss. ‘I always tell my male co-stars, “Absolutely no tongue, closed mouth if you can!” which often puts them off,’ she explains. This time, however, it was McAvoy who said it to her. ‘I gave him a high-five and said, “Oh my God, I was just about to say the same thing!”’ Her nickname for him now is ‘Lovely McAvoy’. She admits that her Prada co-stars, Adrien Grenier and Simon Baker, were a bit shocked by her kissing rules. ‘

(She said “no tongues” to Simon Baker? Really? Ah, youth and smooching are wasted on the young.)

‘Maybe they’d never met anyone that in love before,’ she shrugs.

In Winchester Cathedral, Zombie Jane rises up righteous from her restless grave and sets off for Hollywood to eat somebody’s brain for allowing Marianne Dashwood to portray her.

(A cup of brain bleach? Anyone? We’re begging here…)