Back in our day we had to read the classics unexpurgated uphill both ways barefoot in the snow

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Cluebat

Bring out your Cluebats! TheBookseller.com reports that independent publisher Real Reads will be producing dumbed-down versions of all six of Jane Austen’s novels to appeal to tweens ages 8-13.

“It struck us that very few books are aimed at bridging the gap between children’s and grown-up books, and that there was a yawning gap in the children’s market for classics.

So what happens if the kids read “real” Jane Austen novels? Does it stunt their growth? Do they grow hair on their palms? Go blind? What?

“People might say, ‘Not Austen again’, and that’s the point-it’s not just Austen again,

No, it’s not Jane Austen, that’s for sure.

they are beautiful books that will open the classics up for young people and adults with little time on their hands. They are paperbacks with a dust cover that can be taken off, meaning that adults can read them in public without fear of being seen to read a children’s book.”

Wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute. Why in the world would an adult have to read a dumbed-down version of Jane Austen’s novels? Don’t we have Andrew Davies for that?

*beats Dumbed Down books into shreds with Cluebat of Janeite Righteousness*

Oh, and you kids get off our lawn!