The Very Secret Diary of Henry Tilney, Part the Second


So then I staked itBy request, and because it amuses us much more than it should. Part the First may be found here.

Day 7: Went to Cotillion Ball, danced with Miss M. The troglodyte tried to talk to her. Upon closer inspection, appears to be a werewolf. Definitely need to keep poor girl away from that one. Fortunately she appears to have understood the muslin bit. Still the wittiest.*

Day 8: Realized today that Miss M.’s particular friend is a succubus. Exposed upthrust bosom is dead giveaway. Remember tried to teach warning signs to Bertram at Oxford, but he would have none of it. Wanker.

Day 9: Received note from Sir W— E— in Camden-place. Typical story, hides true identity behind facade of upper-class idiot, blah de blah de blah. Thinks Miss M. may be The One. Lovely girl, but hardly demon warrior–though she DID go out driving with werewolf rather than take country walk with us; and perhaps has chosen succubus as particular friend in order to study method of defeating her. Hmm.

Day 10: Eleanor practicing with nunchuks in sitting-room. V. annoying when she shows off fancy ninja training, also frightens the servants. A good sturdy stake is all I’ve ever needed. Maybe a bottle of holy water as backup.

Day 11: Sir W.E. wants me to train Miss M. Beechen Cliff excellent spot. Saw Miss M. at theatre. Pretended to be annoyed with her for skipping walk–worked like a charm, she tumbled Mrs. Allen’s gown while assuring me that she has no regard for werewolf. Definitely understood the muslin bit.

Day 12: Walked at Beechen Cliff with Miss M. and Eleanor. Miss M. likes horrid novels. An excellent beginning.

*Full attribution to Sophie; too brilliant to not use.