Best. Monologue. Ever.
“So very obliging of you!–No rain at all. Nothing to signify. I do not care for myself. Quite thick shoes. And Jane declares–Well!–(as soon as she was within the door) Well! This is brilliant indeed!–This is admirable!–Excellently contrived, upon my word. Nothing wanting. Could not have imagined it.–So well lighted up!–Jane, Jane, look!–did you ever see any thing? Oh! Mr. Weston, you must really have had Aladdin’s lamp. Good Mrs. Stokes would not know her own room again. I saw her as I came in; she was standing in the entrance. ‘Oh! Mrs. Stokes,’ said I–but I had not time for more.” She was now met by Mrs. Weston.–“Very well, I thank you, ma’am. I hope you are quite well. Very happy to hear it. So afraid you might have a headach!–seeing you pass by so often, and knowing how much trouble you must have. Delighted to hear it indeed. Ah! dear Mrs. Elton, so obliged to you for the carriage!–excellent time. Jane and I quite ready. Did not keep the horses a moment. Most comfortable carriage.–Oh! and I am sure our thanks are due to you, Mrs. Weston, on that score. Mrs. Elton had most kindly sent Jane a note, or we should have been.–But two such offers in one day!–Never were such neighbours. I said to my mother, ‘Upon my word, ma’am–.’ Thank you, my mother is remarkably well. Gone to Mr. Woodhouse’s. I made her take her shawl–for the evenings are not warm–her large new shawl–Mrs. Dixon’s wedding-present.–So kind of her to think of my mother! Bought at Weymouth, you know–Mr. Dixon’s choice. There were three others, Jane says, which they hesitated about some time. Colonel Campbell rather preferred an olive. My dear Jane, are you sure you did not wet your feet?–It was but a drop or two, but I am so afraid:–but Mr. Frank Churchill was so extremely–and there was a mat to step upon–I shall never forget his extreme politeness.–Oh! Mr. Frank Churchill, I must tell you my mother’s spectacles have never been in fault since; the rivet never came out again. My mother often talks of your good-nature. Does not she, Jane?–Do not we often talk of Mr. Frank Churchill?–Ah! here’s Miss Woodhouse.–Dear Miss Woodhouse, how do you do?–Very well I thank you, quite well. This is meeting quite in fairy-land!–Such a transformation!–Must not compliment, I know (eyeing Emma most complacently)–that would be rude–but upon my word, Miss Woodhouse, you do look–how do you like Jane’s hair?–You are a judge.–She did it all herself. Quite wonderful how she does her hair!–No hairdresser from London I think could.–Ah! Dr. Hughes I declare–and Mrs. Hughes. Must go and speak to Dr. and Mrs. Hughes for a moment.–How do you do? How do you do?–Very well, I thank you. This is delightful, is not it?–Where’s dear Mr. Richard?–Oh! there he is. Don’t disturb him. Much better employed talking to the young ladies. How do you do, Mr. Richard?–I saw you the other day as you rode through the town–Mrs. Otway, I protest!–and good Mr. Otway, and Miss Otway and Miss Caroline.–Such a host of friends!–and Mr. George and Mr. Arthur!–How do you do? How do you all do?–Quite well, I am much obliged to you. Never better.–Don’t I hear another carriage?–Who can this be?–very likely the worthy Coles.–Upon my word, this is charming to be standing about among such friends! And such a noble fire!–I am quite roasted. No coffee, I thank you, for me–never take coffee.–A little tea if you please, sir, by and bye,–no hurry–Oh! here it comes. Every thing so good!”
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