The Telegraph breathlessly reports that–ZOMG PONIES!–Mr. Darcy’s dive into the pond was performed not by Colin Firth but by *gasp* a stuntman!

Um…not news, guys. Bridget Jones scooped you almost twelve years* ago.

BJ You know in Pride and Prejudice?

CF I do know in it, yes.

BJ When you had to dive into the lake?

CF Yes.

BJ When they had to do another take, did you have to take the wet shirt off and then put a dry one on?

CF Yes I, I probably did have to, yes. Scusi. Ha vinto. E troppo forte. Si grazie.

BJ (BREATHING UNSTEADILY) How many takes did they have to do?

CF (COUGHS) Well. The underwater shots were a tank in Ealing Studios.

BJ Oh no.

CF I’m afraid so. The -um – moment of being airborne – extremely brief – was a stuntman.

BJ But it looked like Mr Darcy.

CF That was because he had stuck on sideburns and a Mr Darcy outfit on top of a wet suit, which actually made him look like Elvis as you last saw him. He could only do it once for insurance reasons and then he had to be checked for abrasions for about six weeks afterwards. All the other wet shirt shots were me.

Simon Langton, the director of P&P95, does provide one amusing bit of detail, however:

Director Simon Langton said there were difficulties with the actor’s insurance and special arrangements had to be made so that Firth didn’t enter the lake.

He said: “It was a stuntman.

“We didn’t want our leading man to catch Weil’s disease, which can be caught from rat urine in water.”

Hee hee heee heeeeee! But this bit gave us the What The Ferrarses:

But fans are assured the footage of Mr Darcy striding out of the water in his drenched clothing was all shot using Firth.

WHEN IS HE EVER, EVER SHOWN STRIDING OUT OF THE WATER THAT HE WAS NEVER IN? Can the ignorant, ill-informed media please, for the love of the Editrix’s blood pressure, please stop talking about Darcy “emerging from the lake” and “climbing out of the lake” because IT NEVER HAPPENS. You see him swimming, cut to Lizzy looking at the portrait, then you see Darcy walking along LEADING HIS HORSE, AFTER HAVING PICKED UP HIS DISCARDED CLOTHING. We actually just checked the DVD in case there was a scene we missed somehow. It’s not in the book and it’s not even in the bally movie. If you’re going to mock the silly Janeites, at least get your bleeding facts straight.

Thanks to Alert Janeite Lisa for the link, and we hope she is following up with a bottle of Tullamore Dew. 😉

*Holy cr@p! It’s been twelve years? We feel terribly elderly all of a sudden.