Jane Austen Finger Puppet: Hey, baby.
Thorin: …are you speaking to me, madam?
Finger Puppet: You so fine, baby.
Thorin: I beg your pardon?
Jane: Oh, dear. Your majesty, I apologize most profusely for my cousin’s bad manners.
Thorin: Oh, this is your cousin! I see the family resemblance.
Jane: …do you really?
Thorin: No, not really.
Jane: Oh, good.
Finger Puppet: Hey baby, let’s go there and back again.
Jane: Oh, will you hush!
Thorin: Pray do not regard it, Miss Austen.
Finger Puppet: Hey king baby, what do you say we make that big Elven sword go SCHWING!
Thorin: Truly, Miss Austen, I am not taking this seriously. You need not be embarrassed. I dare say we all have a relative or two that will put us to the blush.
Jane: I dare say yours won’t show up here and speak to me in such a disgusting manner.
Thorin: Probably for the best you haven’t met Fili and Kili, then.
Thorin: It doesn’t matter.
Finger Puppet: Is it warm in here or are you just smokin’?
Thorin: I–I didn’t bring my pipe, madam.
Jane: That’s not what she meant, your majesty. (To Finger Puppet) You revolting creature! Stop with such talk! Can’t you see Thorin is not a…not a… HOLLABACK KING?
Thorin: Miss Austen, that is quite the nicest thing you have ever said to me.
Jane: Well, if the simple creature doesn’t have the wit to figure that out for herself…
Finger Puppet: Hey king baby, did you bring your Horn of Gondor? Cause I know just how to blow it.
Thorin: I think, madam, you have perhaps confused me with Boromir.
Jane: *clutches head in hands* I am humiliated!
Thorin: Now, madam Finger Puppet, you see you have distressed your cousin. Off with you! Go torture some other Dwarf. I can probably find a few who are not as nice as I.
Jane: Come to think of it, she thinks Fanny Price should have married Henry Crawford.
Thorin: Well, that just shows you that her taste was wrongly formed.
Finger Puppet: Your loss, baby. *wanders off muttering “REDRUM! REDRUM!”*
Jane: Thank you, your majesty. Thank you for your kindness.
Thorin: My pleasure, Miss Austen. To serve you is…always my pleasure.
Jane: Careful, sir.
Thorin: Yes, madam.